Father's Unexpressed Love- Sarrah Blog

Story Of A Cap

Being born and brought up in a typical Indian culture of the 1980s and 1990s, I always thought it's difficult for a father to express his love for his children by words and actions. 

This particular incident of my life changed my perspective towards my father's unexpressed love towards me.

To start with, this cap is made by me in my first attempt to knit a cap during my engagement period. I was engaged in June 2007 and was to marry in December 2007. My father’s birthday comes in October. I decided to give him a memorable gift, as I will be celebrating my father’s birthday at his home before my marriage. With a lot of gift items to select from, keeping in mind about my father's likes and dislikes. It was very difficult to make a decision.

 I wanted to give him something special. So I decided to make him a cap. This idea struck my mind when someone told me "Sarrah since you love crochet why don't you try knitting something useful and full of love and emotions for your father." 

Just for everyone's information, Dawoodi Bohra men wear a starched white cotton thread cap with golden zari thread. This golden zari thread is made of thin wire. The stitches must be tightly weaved compared to normal crochet work to make the cap stiff. Both the threads are knitted simultaneously to give it a design.

I inquired with my father about his choice of design, to which he replied, "as you wish."

As a daughter, I knew he would prefer the simple design and, I started my hard work.

Since I had started in July 2007 I was quite sure he would be able to wear it in the holy month of Ramadan which was in September 2007 then. In those days I was teaching in a school. So, in the morning I would go to work and at night I would sit to complete my crochet. In Ramadan, the important nights (Fazil Raat) were nearing and I too geared up, and at last, I finished knitting the cap on time.

I was very excited to see my father wearing my hand made gift. But, no he wore his old cap. I relaxed my self-thinking, after the holy month ends next day will be Eid and I waited eagerly for this Eid. My last at my parent's place and I will see my father in my hand made cap. But, no again he wore his old cap.

Again I thought to myself his birthday is appearing in October maybe then, again I got disappointed, you are right he wore his old cap. I felt like crying. But still, I looked forward to my marriage's Hussaini Majlis (A religious gathering). That was the last Majlis in my parent's place in Lucknow in November. During the gathering, he wore his old cap. That's when I lost all hope and thought 'should I ask him? Didn't he like the cap?' But I never had the heart to say anything.

For my marriage, we traveled to Mumbai for the preparation for my wedding. Staying at my Aunt’s place. I remember my aunt asking my father about his preparations in context to his attire, and he replied "yes it's ready."

In the Nikah ceremony (marriages) father usually wears a golden color turban.

My father had prepared all the clothes but he had not got his golden turban so I was confused about how come he said his clothes are ready. I asked my mother about it and she replied he will manage, don’t worry.

My wedding ceremonies started with functions of:-

Haldi i.e., Relatives of the bride and groom apply a special preparation of turmeric to the bride and groom in their respective homes.

Mehndi i.e., all the female members of the bridegroom family including the bride applies henna on their hands and legs.

Gol Sharbat or Mitthu- Muh is a celebration among close family members to shower their blessings on the couple. Somewhere in my heart I wished my father would wear my hand made cap but no, he didn't.

On my nikah day, my father was dressed in a simple kurta pajama. While sitting in the car together, traveling to the venue, I was in tears. Just like any other bride would be. You know these are probably your last few moments with your parents.

Just an imagination, a father like mine who usually don't express their unconditional love for their kids must be hugging their daughter on the nikah day and crying immensely.

In my case it was different.

How?

In the above paragraph, I have mentioned that in our Dawoodi Bohra community father's wear a golden turban. But, my father wore my handmade crochet cap.

It's been over a decade now since I'm married. Many caps he has changed but this one still remains with him.

That's my father's love for me.

Never expressed in words, only once expressed by action and that will last forever.