Gifts by God - Sarrah blog

Just a thought that came into my mind and I want to share.

With the first day of our existence in this world,

we all have been granted many gifts from Allah.

Gifts like beauty, intelligence, common sense, good health, 

good digestive system, and our 5 senses,

i.e., the ability to feel, see, smell, hear, and taste to name among the few.

You all will agree that everyone is not so lucky. Many times people say "I don't like this food" or use other negative words or even if you force too much then they will throw it in the bin. We don't realize that we are among the gifted ones to eat everything halal food (food permissible to consume as per Islam).

You should ask those people who love desserts but are diabetic, those people who are fond of food but are having a cholesterol or other heart disease. There are a few vegetables and fruits that I don't like to eat, but I just say Alhumdolilla(thanks to Allah) and pretend to be my favorite as I want to teach my children not to refuse any halal food that is served to them.

Times are changing so, should we? The answer is yes. As a mother, I would love to see my kids always around me even when they become an adult. but, who knows for their career and survival they might migrate to which part of the earth. maybe as parents, we are not able to accompany them, the initial stage they will have to survive without us. 

As parents, we usually become a little weak in front of our kids, and at times give in to their wants because of our emotional attachment towards them. its perfectly fine, but as parents we also need to prioritize what is essential for them and see to it that at any cost we don't compromise on it, as it will be an added boom to their future survival without us. 

When I'm a little stern about my children's upbringing at times I do get to hear a few harsh and negative words, but I don't allow it to affect my thought process for my children's upbringing. 

At this particular time what I realize the most is

  'How Difficult It Is To Be A Parent.'

 At the end of it, it is my faith that my today's hardship in my children's upbringing will surely pay off with the best of the results in their future.

Dads lagging behind?

Don’t know why dad is always lagging behind when compared to mom

1. Mom carries for 9 months, dad carries for 25 years, both are equal, still don’t know why dad is lagging behind.

2. Mother works without pay for the family, dad spends all his pay for the family, both their efforts are equal, still don’t know why dad is lagging behind.

3. Mom cooks whatever you want, dad buys whatever you want, both their love is equal, but mom’s love is shown as superior. Don’t know why dad is lagging behind.

4. When you talk over the phone, you want to talk to mom first, if you get hurt, you cry ‘mom’. You will only remember dad when you need him, but did dad ever feel bad that you don’t remember him the other times? When it comes to receiving love from children, for generations, we see that dad is always lagging.

5.  Cupboards will be filled with colorful dresses and many clothes for kids but dad’s clothes are very few, he doesn’t care about his own needs, still don’t know why dad is lagging behind

6.  Mom has many gold ornaments, but dad has maybe only a chain.

7. Dad works very hard to take care of the family, but when it comes to getting recognition, he is always lagging behind.

8. When parents become old, children say, mom is at least useful in taking care of household chores, but they say, dad is useless.

Dad is behind or ‘at the back’ because he is the backbone for the family. Because of him, we are able to stand erect. Probably, this is the reason why he is lagging behind.

I came across this post and thought, really this person is so much correct! But then on second thought, I realized that, why does this really happen? Because my children don't love me more and their fatherless even though I'm a non earning parent.

As a child, I remember relatives or some known people asking me "who do I love more, mummy or daddy?" All I remember is standing there with a zip-locked mouth looking up to my parents turn by turn with a massive confusion in mind what to answer?

True, my mother got me new clothes, but my father earned that money.
True, my today's breakfast is as per my last night's wish, but every morning I must get up with my father's voice.
True, when I'm home from school I expect my mother to answer my doorbell, but every evening I wait to see my father return home as soon as possible.

In yesteryear, it was mandatory that men went out of the house for several hours to earn a living for his family and the woman would be at home and take care of the household work. Apparently the woman i.e., the mother who was first hand available for her children in their big and small needs. 

Nowadays we have women moving out of the house to earn a living, to support her husband financially for a secure future. In that case, children are been taken care of by their grandparents or servants. In such cases it is seen that children are more attached to their grandparents or anyone who is taking care of them. It is human nature that we get emotionally attached to those who stand by us in our needs, and they are still children.

I have a friend whose father moved to a gulf country to earn his family a living, back then technology was not so advanced. The time that he and his family spent with his father was just 30 days out of 365 days. Undoubtedly the gap between the father and his children was vast and for them, their mother was the only source of parenting.

In recent years technology has advanced drastically, perhaps that is the reason, even if both the parents are working, children and parents can communicate with each other very easily and quickly. Communication is the only way to build a bridge and fill in those gaps which exist in relationship.

I don't know how many will relate to this post and agree with my words.

Surprisingly Twins- Sarrah blog

The Entry Of Twins In My Life.

Today it so happened that my husband and his siblings had met after a very long time, as they have moved to different cities of different countries for career opportunities. My brother-in-law had invited us for lunch, although we stay just next door. One of my twins asked me if he could get ready and go. Giving him the permission I said let me get your jeans ready.

Well, I thought that was the end of our conversation, and I started to do the needful. But I was wrong. Instantly he popped another question at me, “mummy how do you come to know what I want?” to which on a lighter note I replied to him “because I’m your mummy.”

From his expressions, I could make out my answer was not satisfactory to him. Just to get him in confidence I asked him to gather his brothers as I need to tell them something. I then narrated to my kids one most important day of my life and tried to make them understand how the mother inside me tells me what is right for them.

 

It all started when I had already conceived but the doctor’s visit was still pending. I had some feeling inside me saying “Sarrah it’s two.” At that time I was in UAE with my husband. In the evening when he returned from work I gave him the good news over the dinner that he will be a father soon but, I think it’s two inside my stomach. My husband who was happy but with a doubt asked what made me feel like that. I tried to explain to him but it failed because I couldn't express or explain what made me so sure of double pregnancy. He asked me not to overthink, but I wasn't overthinking at all. All I could tell him was to visit the gynecologist soon and confirm the pregnancy.

The next day being his weekly off we went visiting a gynecologist for the pregnancy test. It was positive. Doctor asked us to get my first sonography done, and it showed her dual pregnancy.

With a pleasant smile on her face, the doctor congratulated me and said its dual pregnancy, nothing to worry or get tensed. I thanked her in return and said somehow I knew it’s twins but she needs to confirm it to my husband standing out. 

The doctor was surprised to my statement, how come I knew it's dual pregnancy, and ended up asking me if I had got myself tested elsewhere. I said no just the inner feeling. With a smiling ‘okay’ she called out to my husband who was standing out and waiting eagerly for me. When the gynecologist confirmed dual pregnancy to my husband he was in a complete state of shock. All that I could see is mixed expressions on his face. The doctor showed him the sonography video and pointed out the two eggs that could be seen.

That was the start of it and it continues till now when my twines are 10 years. I somehow know their 

needs.

After I finished telling them this incident all that I was left with was “mummy how do you come to know what we need?”

When I was young and my mother fulfilled my requirements without me telling her anything I also used to wonder, is she some superwoman or mind reader that she knows what I require. Even I must have troubled her with many of my whys and hows. She too must have tried to give me satisfactory answers which must have gone into the drain.

But now when I’m a mother myself I have got my answers and so will my kids when they become fathers(Ameen).

P. S. I have used little different words but with the same

feelings while narrating it to my children.

Think Outside The Box - Sarrah blog

On-road, with my younger son, we saw a hoarding 'Patels'. And my then 6-year-old now 7, read it as 'Petals'. Being a mother I immediately corrected his mistake by saying "it's Patels and not petals." I thought the conversation would end there, but it didn't. I got an instant question back, "What's the difference?" I answered him back by saying Patel is a surname or a family name and petal is a part of a flower. My son asked "which flower?" I said "any flower." To that my son said, "Okay but what is the difference?" That note made me anxious, for a simple reason that I knew my answer was clear and precise. I repeated my answer. He asked the same question "what's the difference?"

Usually, parents purchase some time from their kids by saying "I will answer you later " either because they are busy or they don't know the answer. In my case, I knew the answer but didn't know how to explain the same. I had no option, but to distract his mind and get talking with another topic.

We reached home and little did the time pass, again I was shot back with the same question, "what's the difference between Patel's and petals?" I abruptly repeated the answer, that's when one of my older sons said, "mummy it's just the placement of an A and E."

That's when I understood that, what we have learned in our lives is correct but what our children are exploring is much more the worth.

We as adults are so much use to the difference of right and wrong that we have limited ourselves to it. We hardly try to think outside the box and analyze what our younger generation requires. Fortunately, the younger generation is much smarter than we think. They can think out of the box and achieve their goals. All that they need is their parent's support. When we fail to do the same, this is probably what I call the generation gap. 

Father's Unexpressed Love- Sarrah Blog

Story Of A Cap

Being born and brought up in a typical Indian culture of the 1980s and 1990s, I always thought it's difficult for a father to express his love for his children by words and actions. 

This particular incident of my life changed my perspective towards my father's unexpressed love towards me.

To start with, this cap is made by me in my first attempt to knit a cap during my engagement period. I was engaged in June 2007 and was to marry in December 2007. My father’s birthday comes in October. I decided to give him a memorable gift, as I will be celebrating my father’s birthday at his home before my marriage. With a lot of gift items to select from, keeping in mind about my father's likes and dislikes. It was very difficult to make a decision.

 I wanted to give him something special. So I decided to make him a cap. This idea struck my mind when someone told me "Sarrah since you love crochet why don't you try knitting something useful and full of love and emotions for your father." 

Just for everyone's information, Dawoodi Bohra men wear a starched white cotton thread cap with golden zari thread. This golden zari thread is made of thin wire. The stitches must be tightly weaved compared to normal crochet work to make the cap stiff. Both the threads are knitted simultaneously to give it a design.

I inquired with my father about his choice of design, to which he replied, "as you wish."

As a daughter, I knew he would prefer the simple design and, I started my hard work.

Since I had started in July 2007 I was quite sure he would be able to wear it in the holy month of Ramadan which was in September 2007 then. In those days I was teaching in a school. So, in the morning I would go to work and at night I would sit to complete my crochet. In Ramadan, the important nights (Fazil Raat) were nearing and I too geared up, and at last, I finished knitting the cap on time.

I was very excited to see my father wearing my hand made gift. But, no he wore his old cap. I relaxed my self-thinking, after the holy month ends next day will be Eid and I waited eagerly for this Eid. My last at my parent's place and I will see my father in my hand made cap. But, no again he wore his old cap.

Again I thought to myself his birthday is appearing in October maybe then, again I got disappointed, you are right he wore his old cap. I felt like crying. But still, I looked forward to my marriage's Hussaini Majlis (A religious gathering). That was the last Majlis in my parent's place in Lucknow in November. During the gathering, he wore his old cap. That's when I lost all hope and thought 'should I ask him? Didn't he like the cap?' But I never had the heart to say anything.

For my marriage, we traveled to Mumbai for the preparation for my wedding. Staying at my Aunt’s place. I remember my aunt asking my father about his preparations in context to his attire, and he replied "yes it's ready."

In the Nikah ceremony (marriages) father usually wears a golden color turban.

My father had prepared all the clothes but he had not got his golden turban so I was confused about how come he said his clothes are ready. I asked my mother about it and she replied he will manage, don’t worry.

My wedding ceremonies started with functions of:-

Haldi i.e., Relatives of the bride and groom apply a special preparation of turmeric to the bride and groom in their respective homes.

Mehndi i.e., all the female members of the bridegroom family including the bride applies henna on their hands and legs.

Gol Sharbat or Mitthu- Muh is a celebration among close family members to shower their blessings on the couple. Somewhere in my heart I wished my father would wear my hand made cap but no, he didn't.

On my nikah day, my father was dressed in a simple kurta pajama. While sitting in the car together, traveling to the venue, I was in tears. Just like any other bride would be. You know these are probably your last few moments with your parents.

Just an imagination, a father like mine who usually don't express their unconditional love for their kids must be hugging their daughter on the nikah day and crying immensely.

In my case it was different.

How?

In the above paragraph, I have mentioned that in our Dawoodi Bohra community father's wear a golden turban. But, my father wore my handmade crochet cap.

It's been over a decade now since I'm married. Many caps he has changed but this one still remains with him.

That's my father's love for me.

Never expressed in words, only once expressed by action and that will last forever.