Gifts by God - Sarrah blog

Just a thought that came into my mind and I want to share.

With the first day of our existence in this world,

we all have been granted many gifts from Allah.

Gifts like beauty, intelligence, common sense, good health, 

good digestive system, and our 5 senses,

i.e., the ability to feel, see, smell, hear, and taste to name among the few.

You all will agree that everyone is not so lucky. Many times people say "I don't like this food" or use other negative words or even if you force too much then they will throw it in the bin. We don't realize that we are among the gifted ones to eat everything halal food (food permissible to consume as per Islam).

You should ask those people who love desserts but are diabetic, those people who are fond of food but are having a cholesterol or other heart disease. There are a few vegetables and fruits that I don't like to eat, but I just say Alhumdolilla(thanks to Allah) and pretend to be my favorite as I want to teach my children not to refuse any halal food that is served to them.

Times are changing so, should we? The answer is yes. As a mother, I would love to see my kids always around me even when they become an adult. but, who knows for their career and survival they might migrate to which part of the earth. maybe as parents, we are not able to accompany them, the initial stage they will have to survive without us. 

As parents, we usually become a little weak in front of our kids, and at times give in to their wants because of our emotional attachment towards them. its perfectly fine, but as parents we also need to prioritize what is essential for them and see to it that at any cost we don't compromise on it, as it will be an added boom to their future survival without us. 

When I'm a little stern about my children's upbringing at times I do get to hear a few harsh and negative words, but I don't allow it to affect my thought process for my children's upbringing. 

At this particular time what I realize the most is

  'How Difficult It Is To Be A Parent.'

 At the end of it, it is my faith that my today's hardship in my children's upbringing will surely pay off with the best of the results in their future.

Think Outside The Box - Sarrah blog

On-road, with my younger son, we saw a hoarding 'Patels'. And my then 6-year-old now 7, read it as 'Petals'. Being a mother I immediately corrected his mistake by saying "it's Patels and not petals." I thought the conversation would end there, but it didn't. I got an instant question back, "What's the difference?" I answered him back by saying Patel is a surname or a family name and petal is a part of a flower. My son asked "which flower?" I said "any flower." To that my son said, "Okay but what is the difference?" That note made me anxious, for a simple reason that I knew my answer was clear and precise. I repeated my answer. He asked the same question "what's the difference?"

Usually, parents purchase some time from their kids by saying "I will answer you later " either because they are busy or they don't know the answer. In my case, I knew the answer but didn't know how to explain the same. I had no option, but to distract his mind and get talking with another topic.

We reached home and little did the time pass, again I was shot back with the same question, "what's the difference between Patel's and petals?" I abruptly repeated the answer, that's when one of my older sons said, "mummy it's just the placement of an A and E."

That's when I understood that, what we have learned in our lives is correct but what our children are exploring is much more the worth.

We as adults are so much use to the difference of right and wrong that we have limited ourselves to it. We hardly try to think outside the box and analyze what our younger generation requires. Fortunately, the younger generation is much smarter than we think. They can think out of the box and achieve their goals. All that they need is their parent's support. When we fail to do the same, this is probably what I call the generation gap. 

Father's Unexpressed Love- Sarrah Blog

Story Of A Cap

Being born and brought up in a typical Indian culture of the 1980s and 1990s, I always thought it's difficult for a father to express his love for his children by words and actions. 

This particular incident of my life changed my perspective towards my father's unexpressed love towards me.

To start with, this cap is made by me in my first attempt to knit a cap during my engagement period. I was engaged in June 2007 and was to marry in December 2007. My father’s birthday comes in October. I decided to give him a memorable gift, as I will be celebrating my father’s birthday at his home before my marriage. With a lot of gift items to select from, keeping in mind about my father's likes and dislikes. It was very difficult to make a decision.

 I wanted to give him something special. So I decided to make him a cap. This idea struck my mind when someone told me "Sarrah since you love crochet why don't you try knitting something useful and full of love and emotions for your father." 

Just for everyone's information, Dawoodi Bohra men wear a starched white cotton thread cap with golden zari thread. This golden zari thread is made of thin wire. The stitches must be tightly weaved compared to normal crochet work to make the cap stiff. Both the threads are knitted simultaneously to give it a design.

I inquired with my father about his choice of design, to which he replied, "as you wish."

As a daughter, I knew he would prefer the simple design and, I started my hard work.

Since I had started in July 2007 I was quite sure he would be able to wear it in the holy month of Ramadan which was in September 2007 then. In those days I was teaching in a school. So, in the morning I would go to work and at night I would sit to complete my crochet. In Ramadan, the important nights (Fazil Raat) were nearing and I too geared up, and at last, I finished knitting the cap on time.

I was very excited to see my father wearing my hand made gift. But, no he wore his old cap. I relaxed my self-thinking, after the holy month ends next day will be Eid and I waited eagerly for this Eid. My last at my parent's place and I will see my father in my hand made cap. But, no again he wore his old cap.

Again I thought to myself his birthday is appearing in October maybe then, again I got disappointed, you are right he wore his old cap. I felt like crying. But still, I looked forward to my marriage's Hussaini Majlis (A religious gathering). That was the last Majlis in my parent's place in Lucknow in November. During the gathering, he wore his old cap. That's when I lost all hope and thought 'should I ask him? Didn't he like the cap?' But I never had the heart to say anything.

For my marriage, we traveled to Mumbai for the preparation for my wedding. Staying at my Aunt’s place. I remember my aunt asking my father about his preparations in context to his attire, and he replied "yes it's ready."

In the Nikah ceremony (marriages) father usually wears a golden color turban.

My father had prepared all the clothes but he had not got his golden turban so I was confused about how come he said his clothes are ready. I asked my mother about it and she replied he will manage, don’t worry.

My wedding ceremonies started with functions of:-

Haldi i.e., Relatives of the bride and groom apply a special preparation of turmeric to the bride and groom in their respective homes.

Mehndi i.e., all the female members of the bridegroom family including the bride applies henna on their hands and legs.

Gol Sharbat or Mitthu- Muh is a celebration among close family members to shower their blessings on the couple. Somewhere in my heart I wished my father would wear my hand made cap but no, he didn't.

On my nikah day, my father was dressed in a simple kurta pajama. While sitting in the car together, traveling to the venue, I was in tears. Just like any other bride would be. You know these are probably your last few moments with your parents.

Just an imagination, a father like mine who usually don't express their unconditional love for their kids must be hugging their daughter on the nikah day and crying immensely.

In my case it was different.

How?

In the above paragraph, I have mentioned that in our Dawoodi Bohra community father's wear a golden turban. But, my father wore my handmade crochet cap.

It's been over a decade now since I'm married. Many caps he has changed but this one still remains with him.

That's my father's love for me.

Never expressed in words, only once expressed by action and that will last forever.